'Sometimes when I'm fit and clean of stimulants, I feel so good, I wonder about giving them up. Maybe it's time.' -- John Gartland, author of Ressurection Room.
He called me Pat.
Was he trying to call me Pal?
Hey Pal. Never liked that.
Always felt like he was saying, Hey Fuckwit.
That condescending tone.
'You don't pronounce it like that.'
Well, then how the fuck do you pronounce it.
Beggar-man is said as it's spelled, capeesh?
I bet he was off his fucking head on weed, cheap whiskey, and ya ba when he composed his begging email.
'Just to get me in the mood.'
A lot of thought went into it. It wasn't dashed off. It was calculated to move me. To make me feel for him. To cry.
'How do I respond to this?' I thought.
This was the kind of shit you did in your early twenties, not your mid-seventies.
'Relaxez vous. The weed's damn good here.'
The begger seems upbeat.
'Let me know how The Bearded Cantos goes down. FB update.'
What fucking drugs is he on?
Maybe he's working on another sting, a top-up, as they say, as the month draws to an end.
'I'm in need of a topup for 30 days.'
Aren't we all.
A top-up for what?
'Hey, I'm happy to oblige.'
That means he's happy to take my hard-earned money.
'Thanks for the good turn.'
And thanks for the coercion.
'I've got the manuscript you sent. Expect some feedback from me in the next few days.'
I waited two weeks and got nothing but a spell check.
'I need about 6000 baht, or 262 Aussie dollars.'
I bet you do, beggar.
You need to pay for your bar bill, the weed and speed, and the booze you get on the tick.
The cash isn't for Condo Maintenance.
Your use of 'Nazi' was a nice flourish.
'Urgent', 'domestic', 'demand', choice words.
Top-up?
I can see you have done marketing before.
'I'm sure you're very distracted with survival issues there. How goes it?'
I'm actually distracted by your begging if you really must know.
'Anyway, as soon as you're ready, let's get back to mixing, we've some great work to do.'
See, he wants me to do free mixing.
But I must pay him for the spell-check.
It's all a bit one way, Jodric, don't you think?
'I need about 6000 baht, or 262 Aussie dollars. If you were able, and I realise you might not be, and could send it by Western Union, I'd return it the same way, in 30 days.'
He'll return it the same way, in 30 days. He only wants Western Union.
'Western Union cuts through a lot of shit.'
Facebook Marketing, 101 again.
'Yes pal, please Western Union the money to avoid Thai bank delays and assist quickly.'
I bet you do, beggar.
You need to pay for your bar bill, the weed and speed, and the booze you get on the tick.
The cash isn't for Condo Maintenance.
Your use of 'Nazi' was a nice flourish.
'Urgent', 'domestic', 'demand', choice words.
Top-up?
I can see you have done marketing before.
'I'm sure you're very distracted with survival issues there. How goes it?'
I'm actually distracted by your begging if you really must know.
'Anyway, as soon as you're ready, let's get back to mixing, we've some great work to do.'
See, he wants me to do free mixing.
But I must pay him for the spell-check.
It's all a bit one way, Jodric, don't you think?
'I need about 6000 baht, or 262 Aussie dollars. If you were able, and I realise you might not be, and could send it by Western Union, I'd return it the same way, in 30 days.'
He'll return it the same way, in 30 days. He only wants Western Union.
'Western Union cuts through a lot of shit.'
Facebook Marketing, 101 again.
'Yes pal, please Western Union the money to avoid Thai bank delays and assist quickly.'
Assist quickly, like mainlining smack in your veins?
He's a fucking marketing genius now.
I was up all night trying to wire the fucker the cash.
He still wouldn't answer the phone. He didn't want to talk about his 'domestic' situation.
Because he didnt' have a domestic situation.
I was up all night trying to wire the fucker the cash.
He still wouldn't answer the phone. He didn't want to talk about his 'domestic' situation.
Because he didnt' have a domestic situation.
It was a fucking set up.
'I'll try to improve my microphone here too.'
I already wired him the cash and yet he still didn't buy a microphone, looser.
'Sounds good. But I think you're dreaming, about a 100 baht mic.You can't buy a beer in most bars for 100 baht lol. Did you mean 1000? I'm expecting to fork out at least 2K for something mid-range. Trash in, trash out. I can't cut corners. But you've yards of studio-qual material there now, to work with, it's true.'
This is classic Gartland begging. No subtleties. Blunt as a doorknob.
Marketing 101 at its best.
'I'll try to improve my microphone here too.'
I already wired him the cash and yet he still didn't buy a microphone, looser.
'Sounds good. But I think you're dreaming, about a 100 baht mic.You can't buy a beer in most bars for 100 baht lol. Did you mean 1000? I'm expecting to fork out at least 2K for something mid-range. Trash in, trash out. I can't cut corners. But you've yards of studio-qual material there now, to work with, it's true.'
This is classic Gartland begging. No subtleties. Blunt as a doorknob.
Marketing 101 at its best.
And still no offer of cash for my mixing skills.
He's a fully-fledged dog now.
