Here I am humping my life's possession across Perth on a bike, and His Highness is scoffing at me, from his safe abode in Bangkok.
With friends like that who needs enemies?
I've popped five valiums.
I'm going to need it.
I've moved back to Trangs.
And I'm getting on well with the African.
That disappoints Gartland.
'Heading back for more nigger punishment?'
I told him, Eric and his mail-order bride were ripping me off.
Gartland didn't care, as he was ripping me off too.
Eric is the henchman.
His Chinese wife, who has bad teeth, is the mastermind.
They are charging me a fortune on electricity.
I'm pissing in pots and there's spillage on their carpet.
I put the big pissing pot, unwashed, back in the drawers.
I pay the $150 in electricity for the last two weeks.
Even when I'm being ripped off I'm honest.
Eric is onto something here.
They get their rent one month in advance and cash top-ups from their magical electrical meter every two weeks.
I leave the cash on the coffee table outside.
No sign of Eric the creep.
Let them think I'm on a holiday and coming back.
Should give me enough time to find out what his name is.
Meanwhile, they get free electricity from solar panels that are placed on the shed roof where I'm living.
Hint, it's not a granny flat. And I'm going to fuck them over on this technicality in due time.
I'm fucked up on duromime too.
I need all the adrenaline I need to make this move.
I have a long way to ride back with three bags thrown over my shoulder.
It's raining and I've had several falls.
I'm free from Eric.
His cash cow has fled.
He's not declaring his income.
Only hard cash for he and his wife.
'We depend on this cash.'
I bet you fucking do Eric, you dog who is just another John Gartland, about the same age too, with only a few years left to live.
I'll fuck you both over very soon, now that I got your last name.
It took me four internet connections to get it.
'I'm Eric Crombie, the real owner of this internet account.'
I may have wasted $400 bucks on those internet connections but I have his surname now.
This operation was hatched by Rosie my neighbor who wants me out of there.
And Mr. Gartland is scoffing, that I'm back into the fry pan.
What would he know?
I'm also getting dental work, not cheap in Australia and Gartland now is begging for more cash for his amazing editing services which no one wants or needs.
He's nothing but a glorified English teacher who knows how to write.
Jodric Plinth is a sham.
So is Dr. Poltergeist.
So is John Gartland, yes that guy who wears the comedy mask.
He's a bully.
He's another Eric.
He wants my cash like Eric and his Chinese mail order bride.
'Cheers, pal. I've just done the shopping and grog re-stock.'
That's with the money I wired him.
The dog.
He's orchestrating this from his apartment.
He needs the cash.
He's got a crack habit.
Even 300 baht a day is eating into his pension.
He has to pay for the weed too.
And the whiskey.
And the crack whores, they aren't cheap.
And the room he's renting out for them monthly.
Yes, that cheap one in Ramkhamhaeng.
He''s got to get cash from somewhere.
I'll do.
I get back to Trangs.
My doctor has cut me off the gear.
I'm going through withdrawals and Gartland needs a top-up.
I'm an easy touch.
Not a good time, I tell the dog.
Not a good time.
