Col, we have chatted on Facebook. Remember, I'm that cool funny dude who loves kicking dogs.
Just to see how 'real' Gartland is as a friend, I'm going to provide a flashback. This guy owes me money and is now slandering my good name. I said wire me back the cash and everything will be honkey and dory. Hay, I have no gripe with Dr. Penguin, but if I was him, I'd make sure Gartland didn't model his character Dr. Poltergeist on the Bangkok-based magician.
First Flashback:
Pal,
xoxoxo (sloppier the better, sweat heart, blush, kiss kiss!!)
Me (we are talking about the ending of The Gropamine Diaries):
Would be an honor if you could get the ending for me. Just flesh it out. It's been a pretty good prediction.
Or I might weave it in with quotes from Jodric Plinth, how do you feel about me having you in my book, I won't use your name of course??
Cocksucker:
'Pal, use my name, use any name, I have a few but don't be shy. You are paying me for ideas too, not just spell-check. And what follows is worth more than $500. I'd say it's easily worth $1000. I know you did work for me, even when you were being attacked in the workplace, I was still demanding the very best work from you.
Easily I stole a month's time off you. Your weekends were eight hours a day or more glued to your monitor producing these videos for me.
But don't you dare try and charge me.
Only I can get away with that shit.
Remember how you offered to buy me a microphone and take me whoring across Asia? Of course, you do. And how you changed your mind about loaning me the cash, even though you had already transferred it.
I was quick off the mark to say that you were going to buy me a microphone and take me whoring. I reminded you of your promise to me. I stooped that low. And then I said if I return the cash, 'what about the editing I had already done for you.' What I meant was, ' what about the spell check I had done, which was five minutes of work on my end.
I made it very hard and complicated to return the loan. As I hoped, you converted the loan to an edit. I knew your movements, five moves ahead.
As you might have been well aware, I never gave you that option or courtesy of returning the cash. Conmen don't work that way. Remember son, I use to be a snake oil salesman.
They seek me here, they seek me there, they seek me fucking everywhere. I basically showed you who I really am. I'm the gentleman when I haven't got what I want.
Once I get it, you can all fuck up.
Me:
He's a pathetic specimen.
At 72 years of age, he can't afford to buy a decent microphone.
And he takes up offers from complete strangers to go whoring around Asia if he's not paying.
I was going to take him to Bima on Sumbawa in Indonesia and feed him a few whores then do the Harold Bolt.
The next island is Flores and if you don't pay your bills, the Indonesians feed you to the kamado dragons.
Now how is that for nastiness?
