The dog loves sending up everyone else, but when someone sends him up, he plays the victim, the cocksucker.
He's writing his epic hatchet piece on me.
I always wanted to feature in one of his poems.
You only make it in the 'Gartland Hall of Shame' by pissing on him.
He pissed all over Mekong Kurt, while he was dying on the streets outside Washington Square.
'But I made sure I emptied his wallet of Thai baht first.'
The poet noir's ego consumed up any serious Bangkok Noir movement.
'There's only room for one knob head.'
It could have been so much better.
'Doubt it,' said Gartland, 'that Calvino writer and that American soi dog artist, and that British circus writer...'
Yeah, I get it, they did you wrong. They all did you really wrong.
I'm going to send you a dummy.
Suck on it hard.
All isn't too bad.
I'm told you can get a ladyboy for the price of a Mekong set.
'Are you talking about the monkey house?'
No, I'm talking about Bangkok Hilton, which doesn't even charge you for quarantine.
