The menfolk were laying in ambush.

'More like spying from around the corner,' said Max, who added, 'cock suckers.'

They were coming at us with pitchforks.

It didn't take us long to run to the glider, with our clothes half on.

We had a bag on the plane for such emergencies.

There's nothing worse than having a good fuck and being attacked by angry folk with pitchforks.

'Go you fucking scum,' said one guy, have no idea what his name was, he was toothless, five days of grey stubble.

'Watch your fucking neck,' said Max, as I ducked a  pitchfork that was aiming for impalement.

'This is not the time to describe asswipes,' he added as he dragged me on the plane.

Yep, we were heading somewhere a bit more civilized.

'Lithuania,' said Max, who throttled the plane upwards and over a mountain range, and half an hour later we prepared for the descent into another backward Baltic state.

'And it's not failed,' said Max.

'I know,' I said, 'you got to start before you fail.'

That got the laughs up as we landed in a paddock, on the outskirts of a small village.

And you wouldn't guess what happened next.

Milkmaids, ten of them, came running across the paddock to greet us. Their tits were swinging in the warm spring breeze.

Well fuck a duck, I thought, 'and what does it say in the guide book.'

'Fucking hot women,' said Max,' who love fucking for US dollars.'

Well if that's the case, I said, I think we have arrived, and then I started throwing dollar notes in the air to see what the response we'd get from the natives.

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