Forty minutes and we'd be back in Kuala Lumper.
'But we'd use a shit load of fuel.'
Max, we aren't footing the bill and even a 747 can go twice as fast as it does.
'Yeah, fuel isn't cheap.'
It is when the CIA are footing the bill.
'What are you fucking clowns talking about?'
Who asked you said Max, who was tempted to push the son of a bitch outside.
'You'd make a nice little splash. All we would see is your red wet spot.'
That shut up Warren.
'And I'd watch your mouth,' I said, and smiled at Pedro, who was Candice's father, 'people are gonna be asking questions, why wasn't there any guards, why were you pissing it up and what was Pedro doing being held in a hole.'
'Candice and her sister are gonna eat you up,' said Max.
'And I'm gonna set my dogs on him,' said Pedro.
Warren didn't look so smug now.
'What do you want, I'll give it to you.'
I want the ransom the Australian government raised for you through their Australian Aid.
'Deal,' said Warren.
'Well prove it,' said Max, who handed him his ipad.
We were flying near the Malaysian Peninsular and the money was to be wired into Big Tit Inc.
'It's been wired immediately,' said Max, who somehow circumvented the three day wait period. Then he said 'hasta manana' and pushed Warren out of the helicopter. He only fell ten meters with a god awful splash.
We continued the flight to Kuala Lumper.
'The fucking dog deserved worse,' said Max, who took a piss out of the helicopter.
Warren thought relief had come in the shape of rain.
'He'll get picked up by the Australian Navy who are patrolling those waters,' said Max.
'And if he can't swim the 100 meters to shore, there's gotta be rocks in his brain,' said Pedro, who would be reunited with his twin daughters in about ten minutes, at the rate we were going.
'Five minutes, actually,' said Max, who parked the helicopter at the soccer field, just around the corner from our local coffee shop.
'And we owe you a pole show,' said Candice and Caprice, 'this time we won't hold back.'
Well how about you order us some fucking milky tea, I said to Caprice.
Pedro just smiled.
'If you ever want to work for me,' he said, 'then...'
We might have a job for you, said Max. 'You'd only be backing future missions if funds weren't available.'
Then he passed out.
Candice and Caprice tried to revive him.
Mouth to mouth works wonders, I said.
He was coughing up shit.
'It's the drugs that Warren guy fed me, kept me sedated for a good part of a year and three months.'
'Don't worry,' said Max, 'he's been picked up by the Navy and is heading back to Australia to a Kangaroo Court. He won't ever be released from those fatal shores again.'
'But we'd use a shit load of fuel.'
Max, we aren't footing the bill and even a 747 can go twice as fast as it does.
'Yeah, fuel isn't cheap.'
It is when the CIA are footing the bill.
'What are you fucking clowns talking about?'
Who asked you said Max, who was tempted to push the son of a bitch outside.
'You'd make a nice little splash. All we would see is your red wet spot.'
That shut up Warren.
'And I'd watch your mouth,' I said, and smiled at Pedro, who was Candice's father, 'people are gonna be asking questions, why wasn't there any guards, why were you pissing it up and what was Pedro doing being held in a hole.'
'Candice and her sister are gonna eat you up,' said Max.
'And I'm gonna set my dogs on him,' said Pedro.
Warren didn't look so smug now.
'What do you want, I'll give it to you.'
I want the ransom the Australian government raised for you through their Australian Aid.
'Deal,' said Warren.
'Well prove it,' said Max, who handed him his ipad.
We were flying near the Malaysian Peninsular and the money was to be wired into Big Tit Inc.
'It's been wired immediately,' said Max, who somehow circumvented the three day wait period. Then he said 'hasta manana' and pushed Warren out of the helicopter. He only fell ten meters with a god awful splash.
We continued the flight to Kuala Lumper.
'The fucking dog deserved worse,' said Max, who took a piss out of the helicopter.
Warren thought relief had come in the shape of rain.
'He'll get picked up by the Australian Navy who are patrolling those waters,' said Max.
'And if he can't swim the 100 meters to shore, there's gotta be rocks in his brain,' said Pedro, who would be reunited with his twin daughters in about ten minutes, at the rate we were going.
'Five minutes, actually,' said Max, who parked the helicopter at the soccer field, just around the corner from our local coffee shop.
'And we owe you a pole show,' said Candice and Caprice, 'this time we won't hold back.'
Well how about you order us some fucking milky tea, I said to Caprice.
Pedro just smiled.
'If you ever want to work for me,' he said, 'then...'
We might have a job for you, said Max. 'You'd only be backing future missions if funds weren't available.'
Then he passed out.
Candice and Caprice tried to revive him.
Mouth to mouth works wonders, I said.
He was coughing up shit.
'It's the drugs that Warren guy fed me, kept me sedated for a good part of a year and three months.'
'Don't worry,' said Max, 'he's been picked up by the Navy and is heading back to Australia to a Kangaroo Court. He won't ever be released from those fatal shores again.'
