Minding my own business at the Long House when an aging tourist stopped to ask me something.
I knew she was lost.
She was from California. Note, she wasn't from the USA.
I wasn't going to bring up any talk of Trump. She was lost.
I pulled up my map and started looking for a cat statue.
Her hotel was near a cat statue.
'There were many of them, big.'
I did an image search.
I didn't want to send her down the road to the 'big' cat statue. There were only one of those cats, not a group of them, which is what she was looking for, apparently, but not with much success.
Just walk straight down this road and you'll find the cats outside Mc Donalds.
She's back again. She didn't see the cat statues.
She says her hotel is near it.
'I asked where was the riverfront,' she told me, 'and the receptionist said just to walk straight until I reached the river.'
She doesn't know the name of her hotel.
Ok dear, I say, let's try this again. Walk straight ahead and once you reach Mc Donald's the cat statues are in front of it.
That's twice I ran into the disorientated lady.
The second time she was across the road from the Long House, near a road that went down towards the river.
I called her to come over and pulled up my Google Map again.
I thought I had set her on the right track.
Apparently not.
When I leave the Long House I walk to the corner shop to buy some bootleg cigarettes. And who do I find, walking in the opposite direction of the cat statue?
You guess it.
Now this was getting ridiculous. So you don't know the name of the hotel. Do you have a name? Ok, nice to meet you Vickey. Now, are you sure you don't have any info on the hotel in your bag.
For some reason, she stopped walking and looked in her bag. It was all secretive and all.
She pulled out a card that said Nova.
I was only eyeing off Nova Hotel earlier today. Even one of the hotel staff walked past the Long House wearing a shirt with the Nova logo on it.
A Nova coincidence or a sign from the Gods?
I hadn't noticed the Nova before until just this afternoon.
I told Vickey I knew where it was. It was nowhere near the cat statue.
I had given her hope. And for once I knew what I was talking about. I just hoped there weren't two fucking Nova Hotels in this town.
I crossed the road.
She followed.
I took another back alley.
She followed.
I tried out some Malay, trying to look smart.
A couple of Aunties said the Nova was just around the corner. I knew they'd say that because I knew where it was.
I got Vickey home.
She was a wreck but grateful.
Firstly, I didn't rob her.
Hay, make sure she has a card of the hotel before she leaves next time.
'Please wait,' said the receptionist. The lady wearing a shirt with the Nova logo on it was putting on airs. Of course she wasn't, but it felt like it at the time.
Secondly, there was none.
This hotel is near the river. The Indonesian fishing boats dock in at the pier. They smuggle drugs into Indonesia. They like robbing little old flustered ladies from California. Or so this story goes.
There's a little rice field to the right of the road that leads into the hotel.
Most of the Malays only enter it by driving.
At night time it is fucking dangerous, even I know that.
But I had no time to tell her that.
The hotel staff didn't like a 'know it all' intruder. Apparently that is what I was.
I know a few things or two.
At least I got Vickey back to her hotel safely.
You can't ask much more than that, can you?
The road that I called her over from the second time had a little road that leads to her hotel. She had passed the turn off by about twenty meters.
I should have told her to back up and take a left at the time.
But I didn't know that until she showed me her magic key card with the hotel's name on it.
Dat really helps.
Shazam.
I've been lost before. She did the right thing and asked for directions.
I can't say I'm the best at giving them, but with a bit of research and patience and luck, I usually come good in the end.
Nova, the shining light of my mind, at first pale flickers and silent thoughts, manifested itself into a pulsating treasure hunt.
I knew she was lost.
She was from California. Note, she wasn't from the USA.
I wasn't going to bring up any talk of Trump. She was lost.
I pulled up my map and started looking for a cat statue.
Her hotel was near a cat statue.
'There were many of them, big.'
I did an image search.
I didn't want to send her down the road to the 'big' cat statue. There were only one of those cats, not a group of them, which is what she was looking for, apparently, but not with much success.
Just walk straight down this road and you'll find the cats outside Mc Donalds.
She's back again. She didn't see the cat statues.
She says her hotel is near it.
'I asked where was the riverfront,' she told me, 'and the receptionist said just to walk straight until I reached the river.'
She doesn't know the name of her hotel.
Ok dear, I say, let's try this again. Walk straight ahead and once you reach Mc Donald's the cat statues are in front of it.
That's twice I ran into the disorientated lady.
The second time she was across the road from the Long House, near a road that went down towards the river.
I called her to come over and pulled up my Google Map again.
I thought I had set her on the right track.
Apparently not.
When I leave the Long House I walk to the corner shop to buy some bootleg cigarettes. And who do I find, walking in the opposite direction of the cat statue?
You guess it.
Now this was getting ridiculous. So you don't know the name of the hotel. Do you have a name? Ok, nice to meet you Vickey. Now, are you sure you don't have any info on the hotel in your bag.
For some reason, she stopped walking and looked in her bag. It was all secretive and all.
She pulled out a card that said Nova.
I was only eyeing off Nova Hotel earlier today. Even one of the hotel staff walked past the Long House wearing a shirt with the Nova logo on it.
A Nova coincidence or a sign from the Gods?
I hadn't noticed the Nova before until just this afternoon.
I told Vickey I knew where it was. It was nowhere near the cat statue.
I had given her hope. And for once I knew what I was talking about. I just hoped there weren't two fucking Nova Hotels in this town.
I crossed the road.
She followed.
I took another back alley.
She followed.
I tried out some Malay, trying to look smart.
A couple of Aunties said the Nova was just around the corner. I knew they'd say that because I knew where it was.
I got Vickey home.
She was a wreck but grateful.
Firstly, I didn't rob her.
Hay, make sure she has a card of the hotel before she leaves next time.
'Please wait,' said the receptionist. The lady wearing a shirt with the Nova logo on it was putting on airs. Of course she wasn't, but it felt like it at the time.
Secondly, there was none.
This hotel is near the river. The Indonesian fishing boats dock in at the pier. They smuggle drugs into Indonesia. They like robbing little old flustered ladies from California. Or so this story goes.
There's a little rice field to the right of the road that leads into the hotel.
Most of the Malays only enter it by driving.
At night time it is fucking dangerous, even I know that.
But I had no time to tell her that.
The hotel staff didn't like a 'know it all' intruder. Apparently that is what I was.
I know a few things or two.
At least I got Vickey back to her hotel safely.
You can't ask much more than that, can you?
The road that I called her over from the second time had a little road that leads to her hotel. She had passed the turn off by about twenty meters.
I should have told her to back up and take a left at the time.
But I didn't know that until she showed me her magic key card with the hotel's name on it.
Dat really helps.
Shazam.
I've been lost before. She did the right thing and asked for directions.
I can't say I'm the best at giving them, but with a bit of research and patience and luck, I usually come good in the end.
Nova, the shining light of my mind, at first pale flickers and silent thoughts, manifested itself into a pulsating treasure hunt.
