They call me stumpy.
Twenty teeth drilled, I'm smiling plastic molds.
I've got about two days before my new porcelain smile is laid in my mouth.
Even if it's a dodgy job, it will still look better from the patch jobs I've had over the last two years.
'Every dental appointment you have had is leading to this point,' says Dr. John.
Yes, that smile you keep on talking about.
I know Joanne from Las Vegas is coming back on Friday to get her crown in.
'Then you can take a better photo with her,' says Dr. John who is really happy that I'm mingling with his customers.
I took a shot of him with her. She was rubbing her big boobies against him. He took a photo of me with her, and I just looked fat. But boy she still looked fantastic.
'Why did you delete the photos?'
Cos I looked fat.
'Well you are fat. But soon you'll be a fat man with a winning smile.'
Dr. John knows I'm pissed off that Joanne didn't rub her boobs into me as intimate as she did with him.
'Soon they will,' he says, saying that looks can be really deceptive.
'They won't know you are a poor guy after the new crowns.'
But I will.
I keep on telling Dr. John that being a dentist isn't all misery and looking down the rotten mouths of customers.
Joanna is studying to be a lab nurse.
Dr. John is convinced she doesn't have silicon.
'They were too soft, ' adding, she's a chunky girl, 'and can support big natural tits.'
But he's convinced his last client that came in with her Korean boyfriend had silicon.
'Her body frame is too small to support such large tits.'
The Philipines is oozing with sex.
'His name is Stephen and she's his new accessory bag.'
She's wearing a white shirt with Mickey Mouse on it.
Wasn't Mikee wearing a similar shirt the other day?
Even before I've had my novocaine injection I find myself singing and spelling out the Walt Disney Mickey Mouse theme song.
'Is that where you learned your spelling? asks Dr. John.
To be honest, Sesame Street played a big part in my formative years.
He's got the drill in his hand and gives it a buzz, micro water drops are cascading out of it.
'It's time,' he says.
It's the last four teeth.
Let's get it on, I say, putting on a brave face.
I hate dentists just like the next man. But I tell Dr. John he's ranking up there as the all-time best.
He's flattered.
And I'll drop the last payment off to you tomorrow.
He's doubly flattered now.
Gotta give it to dentists, they can do a song and dance before the altar of money like the best of them.
Twenty teeth drilled, I'm smiling plastic molds.
I've got about two days before my new porcelain smile is laid in my mouth.
Even if it's a dodgy job, it will still look better from the patch jobs I've had over the last two years.
'Every dental appointment you have had is leading to this point,' says Dr. John.
Yes, that smile you keep on talking about.
I know Joanne from Las Vegas is coming back on Friday to get her crown in.
'Then you can take a better photo with her,' says Dr. John who is really happy that I'm mingling with his customers.
I took a shot of him with her. She was rubbing her big boobies against him. He took a photo of me with her, and I just looked fat. But boy she still looked fantastic.
'Why did you delete the photos?'
Cos I looked fat.
'Well you are fat. But soon you'll be a fat man with a winning smile.'
Dr. John knows I'm pissed off that Joanne didn't rub her boobs into me as intimate as she did with him.
'Soon they will,' he says, saying that looks can be really deceptive.
'They won't know you are a poor guy after the new crowns.'
But I will.
I keep on telling Dr. John that being a dentist isn't all misery and looking down the rotten mouths of customers.
Joanna is studying to be a lab nurse.
Dr. John is convinced she doesn't have silicon.
'They were too soft, ' adding, she's a chunky girl, 'and can support big natural tits.'
But he's convinced his last client that came in with her Korean boyfriend had silicon.
'Her body frame is too small to support such large tits.'
The Philipines is oozing with sex.
'His name is Stephen and she's his new accessory bag.'
She's wearing a white shirt with Mickey Mouse on it.
Wasn't Mikee wearing a similar shirt the other day?
Even before I've had my novocaine injection I find myself singing and spelling out the Walt Disney Mickey Mouse theme song.
'Is that where you learned your spelling? asks Dr. John.
To be honest, Sesame Street played a big part in my formative years.
He's got the drill in his hand and gives it a buzz, micro water drops are cascading out of it.
'It's time,' he says.
It's the last four teeth.
Let's get it on, I say, putting on a brave face.
I hate dentists just like the next man. But I tell Dr. John he's ranking up there as the all-time best.
He's flattered.
And I'll drop the last payment off to you tomorrow.
He's doubly flattered now.
Gotta give it to dentists, they can do a song and dance before the altar of money like the best of them.
